She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection. My yo-yo, it never came back.

People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.