She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

Comedy is a camouflage for depression.

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.