I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

When I was born I brought no joy, my father said he wanted a boy!

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.