I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.