I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.