Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

It's tough to stay married. My wife says no because she's tired then stays up and reads her book.

Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.