Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I was a poster child... for birth control!

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.