My wife gives good headache.
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.