A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.