A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.