A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.