I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.