One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.