Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
You can name your own salary in this business. I call mine Fred.
If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."