I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.