I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.

If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!