I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.