Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.

Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.