I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.
My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!