I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.