When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.

You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.