When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.