When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

I'm at the age where I want two girls. In case I fall asleep they will have someone to talk to.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".