When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.