When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

I can't get no respect.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

My wife gives good headache.