Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

I don't know kid, there are so many places they could hide.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. On my street, the kids take hubcaps - from moving cars.