Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.

His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.