Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

To me, Viagra is the same as Disneyland. You wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.