One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .
My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
I told my doctor I got water on my knee, he gave me a sponge and raised his fee!