Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon .

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

It's nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you.

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.