Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.