A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.