My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.