My dog learned how to beg by watching me through the bedroom door.
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her "you cooked it, you take it out".