Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.