I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.