I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor; they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.