I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn't a boy...I'd have nothing to play with.

My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.