I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!

My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!