I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.