Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

School is a place were you go to eat your lunch

I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!