Everyone says that looks don't matter, age doesn't matter, money doesn't matter. But i never met a girl yet who has fallen in love with an old ugly man who's broke.

Man, who don't like spaghetti?

When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.