If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.
My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
I went to see my doctor... Doctor Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah...I told him once, "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.