Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

I've learned to control everything. I don't get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That's life. What good is it to get angry?

Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

If I could have dinner with anyone who lived in history, it would depend on the restaurant.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.