I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.