My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.