My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.