When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"
Rodney DangerfieldWhen we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney DangerfieldMy life is nothing but pressure. All pressure. This pressure is like a heaviness. It's always on top of me, this heaviness. It's always there since I'm a kid. Other people wake up in the morning, 'A new day! Ah, up and at 'em!' I wake up, the heaviness is waiting for me nice. Sometimes I even talk to it. I say [adopts cheerful voice] 'Hi, heaviness!' and the heaviness looks back at me, [in an ominous growl] 'Today you're gonna get it good. You'll be drinking early today.'
Rodney Dangerfield