We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.

I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.