I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles

My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"