My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.

Life's a short trip. You'll find out.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.