To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.

The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

One night I asked a cabbie to take me where the action is, he took me to my house.

At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".