I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

My family was a bunch of drunks. When I was six I came up missing, they put my picture on a bottle of scotch.

At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.

I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.