My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.