My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.

I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint-a Saint Bernard!

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.