My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

When you walk up five flights of stairs at four in the morning, there's definitely a hooker involved.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.