With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.

She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.

With my doctor, I don't get no respect. I told him I want a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don't need one.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

When my wife drives, there's always trouble. The other day she took the car. She came home. She told me, There's water in the carburetor. I asked her, Where's the car? She said, In a lake.