I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.

My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.