The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

Man, who don't like spaghetti?

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.