The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".

If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.