The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

What a doctor I've got - he's really mixed up. Last week, he grabbed my knee and told me to cough. Then hit me in the balls with a hammer.

I feel sorry for short people, you know. When it rains, they're the last to know.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.