The sign on the bar said: 'girls- topless, bottomless', I went inside and there was nobody there!

I told my doctor I wonna stop aging, he gave me a gun!

I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.

In the school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity and he threw the teacher out of the window.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.