I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.

Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.