I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I don't get no respect

I tell ya, I don't get no respect ... Last week, my wife told me that she was going to cut me down to twice a month. But I thought about it, and I figured that it wasn't too bad. I know a couple of guys that she cut out completely.