I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

With girls, I don't think right. I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. She told me to come over and bring a bottle. I got Windex.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.