I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.

Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial tone.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

I tell ya, I was an ugly kid. I was so ugly that my dad kept the kid's picture that came with the wallet he bought.