I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

Every time I get in an elevator, the operator says the same thing to me: 'Basement?'

I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, "Wait til it gets warmer."

I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!