She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
Last week I told my wife, If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef. She said, If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.