I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.

I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.