It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.

My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.

I'm tellin' ya I get no respect. When I was in Switzerland, I got an obscene yodel.