It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.

I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood he ran a tab!

I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.