It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

I don't get no respect