When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said "No, one drag is enough".
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
I was a poster child... for birth control!
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.