I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
My wife gives good headache.
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.