I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, "Look, twins!"

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

I like southern girls. They talk so slow that by the time they say no, I made it already.

She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, "Why are you jogging in your underwear?" He says, "You came home from work early".