I once went out with this girl, she was no bargain either, she showed up with pigtails under her arms.

I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!