I once went out with this wild girl. She made French toast and got her tongue caught in the toaster.
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.
Life's a short trip. You'll find out.
We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.