When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.

When I was 3 years old, my parents got a dog. I was jealous of the dog, so they got rid of me.

She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).

Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.