When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

We lived in a neighborhood that was too rich for us. When I was young, I had to deliver groceries to the homes of the kids I went to school with. I had to go to the back doors to make the deliveries. It was embarrassing. That was one thing out of a hundred.

My wife and I keep fighting about sex and money. I think she charges me too much.

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!