When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

My parents didn't like me. For bathtub toys they gave me a blender and a transistor radio.

If you can't write your own material, you have very little chance of making it as a comedian.

I don't care how rich and successful a man is. He's nothing without an education.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.

When I was a kid I got no respect. My mother breast fed me through a straw.