I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.

I don't get no respect, no respect at all!

I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.