I once asked a policeman how far it was to the subway. he said, "I don't know, no one has ever made it".

I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

I live in a tough neighborhood. They got a children's zoo. Last week, four kids escaped.

My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There is a pair of shoes on the dashboard. They belong to the last guy she hit

The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.

You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.