A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

I have three kids, one of each.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.