When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!

Women my age just don't turn me on. That's another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died.

I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.

my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.