When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.

You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.

My son's an idiot. His teacher asked him to spell Mississippi. He asked which one? The river or the state?

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'

When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through.

If every man was as true to his country as he was to his wife, we'd be in a lot of trouble.