Comedy is in my blood. Too bad it's not in my act.

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can't I meet a girl with normal parents?

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.