Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.

My wife gives good headache.

I tell ya, with my wife, I got no sex life. Her favorite position is facing Bloomingdale's.

My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.

People seldom live up to their baby pictures.

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles