If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.
Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone!
Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.