Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
I knew a girl so ugly, they use her in prisons to cure sex offenders.
My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill.
Never tell your wife she's bad in bed. She'll go out and get a second opinion.
There's only one thing wrong with my wife's face - it shows.
I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is "don't tell the butcher"!