If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.

Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.

A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.

Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.

When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.